Tuesday, August 24, 2004

10, 9, 8, 7...

I can hardly wait till Labor Day weekend. That is when the boy I love will arrive for an extended stay. Just to feel him in my arms again will be so much fun. I get very lonely when he isn't around.

One of these days I am going to let him know all of my feelings for him. In a way I think he might already know but I'm not totally sure. In any case he is one of only two boys I have ever loved in my life. I don't want to lose him.

I played at the Palms earlier today. The best No limit game in town. A lot of action and a few drunk tourists always make for a great combination.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Virtual Sex

Just finished a F4F with Finger. What a great name for a kid with a sweet ass. He is one of the few guys that I enjoy taking private lately. The other sexy boys seem to be in high attitude mode. That tends to turn me off really quick.

Finger is one of those hidden tresures on F4F. I highly recommend him.

Start: 400 Pounds

I have noticed I'm gaining weight again. When you're my size this is not a good thing. It's getting harder for me to do simple things like bend over to pick up my clothes. This actually is scaring me a little bit.

Therefore, I decided to go on a diet (again). I think back on all of the diets I've tried over my lifetime and can only laugh. Ironically, the only one that did seem to work and last a while was a program I put together myself. It was pretty simple I would only eat 15g of fat per day. Calories and carbs did not matter to me. The only other element was I would walk 10 minutes every night. I know 10 minutes doesn't seem a lot but to me it was. On that program I had started at 350 and lost 160 pounds.

I had lost so much weight many people commented on how I actually looked like a different person. I felt great and life was fun again till someone very close to me died. This sent me into a tailspin and I eventually gained back the weight and more.

I know people look at me and think it is so easy to stop eating. I look at them and think it is so easy to quit smoking or drinking, you et the picture. Just like no one selects to be Gay I did not chose to be fat. Why would I put up with all of the abuse? But I understand people simply see it as a simple problem to solve and society doesn't care for fat people.

I'm at that point again where I must do something. So today I begin my own program again. By October 31 my goal is to be 350 and by December 31 my goal is to be 320.

Saturday, August 21, 2004


The past few days I've been playing at the Palms. Bravo's Celebrity Poker is taped in one of the convention rooms at the hotel. After taping many of the celebs head to the real poker table for some action.

I played with Josh Molina (West Wing) who is a long time player. I also played with Matthew Perry (Friends was on one of the plasma screens when he was in the room) and Sara Gilbert (Roseanne). Sara was their with a slightly older and heavier woman who either was her sister or lover. Oh and I cannot forget Sara Silverstone (actress & model) who happens to be Adam Corolas' girlfriend. She was really cool to have in the game.

In checking out Hooboys I see an old Las Vegas escort has returned but now based in SoCal. He goes by Caleb and my experience with him was far from fun. I guess when one looks as hot as he does people are blinded by the reality.

The weather hasn't been as warm the past few days allowing me to get outside a little more. It is hard to live here at times. It's like a dust bowl .... sometimes it's so warm and so windy I feel as if I'm being cooked in nature's convection oven.

Well more importantly the boy that I love so much will be here in about 10 days. I can hardly wait. I miss holding him.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

I Think I Love You

I'm 51 and don't ever recall feeling love till I met a special young guy. He's 30 years younger than me and he makes me feel so good. We met about 11 months ago while I was in Southern California. He lives there but visits me or I visit him as often as possible.

I am not just talking about sex .... I am talking real love. I love to listen to him, do things with him, hold him and kiss him. He is the only guy I have ever really kissed, he is the only guy that I will let touch me without hesitation and he is the only guy I have cared so deeply about.

Sadly, I cannot tell him I love him. I know that I'm not exactly his ideal type. And I accept this that is why I do not say much to him. I do not want anything to mess up our friendship.

Well all those things I had to do today never got done. It's hard for me to motivatre myself sometime. I went to see a movie called, I Robot. If you're considering it wait for the DVD. I've seen worse and I've seen much better films over the years. Thisisone of those that probably will work best on a boring night at home.

Another Manic Sunday

I lost $700. playing poker at the Bellagio this afternoon. It hurts enough without dwelling on it. I can only blame myself as I did play very poorly.

There is a thread by 'Jackhammer' on Hooboys about friendships. It's really a cool thread but made me somewhat depressed. I think the depression is due to my lack of friendships and my desire to re-live my youth a time when I had friends.

I have so many things to take care of today. Stuff I have been putting off for weeks. I really need to get started on them.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Where Have All The Escorts Gone?

I played at the Bellagio yesterday. Originally I went over there to enter a No Limit tournament but arrived too late. So I sat down at a $200 table (that being the starting dollar amount) and after 2 hours I was ahead $304. It seemed like a good time to leave.

On my way home I decided to celebrate my good fortune by treating myself to an escort. I checked HooBoy's my favorite escort site and could not find anyone of interest. All of the cute twinks, sexy Asian and hot Latino boys seemed to have moved on.

I then signed on to Flirt4Free took a cute Russian boy private and was left to my own devices to satisfy my urges.

If you're an escort checking this out move to Las Vegas, we currently have a drought of cute young guys.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Blog, Day One

Earlier this evening I'm sitting at the no limit table at the Palms wondering if the twenty something Latino boy caught his flush on the river. He bet as if he did confidently pushing in $180. Personally I think he missed his flush.

My nick name is Four Aces and I play no limit Texas Hold 'Em semi professionally. I also happen to be a gay man in what appears to be straight man territory. I've been playing no limit about one year now. It's a fascinating card game where you can be champion of the world regardless of age, looks or physical condition.

I stare down my sexy, young opponent. He has the deepest dark brown eyes I've seen in a long time. Truly what many would call, "bedroom eyes." He is wearing a tight white T-shirt and blue jeans.  I'm sitting at an angle where I can catch a glimpse of his bulge and it makes me wonder what his cock looks like; is he uncut, is he thick, how long is it?

Time to snap back to reality. I've been staring too long and starting to get excited. It's not good to mix business with pleasure but this boy makes it hard not to.  I look in his eyes one last time and then push $180. in the pot. He doesn't look happy and I know that I have the hand won.

As I'm raking in my checks (commonly called chips) I wonder just how many gay poker players there are. I'm not talking about casual players, I'm curious about the semi and professional players. Well that is probably a topic for another day.